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Freak with a Contract

Jul. 31st, 2005 09:56 pm Aphrodisiac Dinner Date

Dinner dates with new companions can make or break a budding romance. First dates can be nerve racking. Planning the date can be particularly difficult. Where should you go, what should you do and what would be enjoyable? You might worry that your date will not like the restaurant, the food or worse yet, the company. Once the date begins you may sometimes struggle with conversation, feel awkward and suffer from anxiety. Don't be ashamed, it happens to everyone.


What you need to do is have a plan. Once you have a course of action in place, you can stay focused. You will have more on your mind than the impending fate of your date. With this in mind you should be able to focus on the fine details of your production instead of wondering if he or she will like you. This will immediately restore your confidence and it will give you something else to worry about! A quintessential part of your grand design should be controlling what kind of delicacies are to be consumed.





Well planned and prepared meals can be a journey through sensuality. You don't have to be a master chef to concoct a tantalizing meal, but take some time to familiarize yourself with natural foods and herbs which directly affect the senses as well as hormone and vitamin levels. A great meal can be an aphrodisiac on a number of levels: the way it is prepared, the way it looks, the way it feels, the way it smells, the way it tastes and the way it makes you feel afterwards.


The absolute best and incomparable sort of dinner date you can arrange is one that you prepare yourself at your own home. In this scenario you can be the male or the female, it does not matter. When a guy cooks for a girl, the woman feels special, elated, curious and very vulnerable because the man is in complete and total control. And when the woman cooks for her special guy, she gets to showcase any special culinary talents which can serve as a hint of more to come. When you cook for someone at home you can control the food, the ambiance, the music and even the romance. You are also alone. You have a little bit less stress on both parties because you are not in front of a crowd of other diners and waiters, you can forget about small formalities and you have a better opportunity to be yourselves. And not to mention cooking for someone is incredibly romantic in itself. It shows heart, thoughtfulness and a generous effort to please the other person.


The definition of an aphrodisiac is something that arouses or intensifies sexual desire. There are hundreds of different natural foods and herbs that are thought to be aphrodisiacs usually stemming from folklore and myths. To be exact, there are no foods that will turn on sexual desire like the flick of a switch. No scientific tests have ever concluded that certain foods will suddenly make you feel “in the mood”. Forget about Spanish fly. All that ever did was aggravate the urinal tract causing people to confuse the tingling sensation in their pelvic region with one of a sexual nature. However, there are certain natural foods that can help alter and guide the moment, and you might be surprised.


Asparagus may be at the top of list as a natural aphrodisiac. It contains healthy doses of natural vitamins and minerals including the two major “sex vitamins”: vitamins D and E. Vitamin D is responsible for hormone production including sex hormones while vitamin E is responsible for increasing the amount of oxygenated blood being pumped into your sex organs. Notably, asparagus has always been considered an aphrodisiac even in the past because of its phallic appearance. The rest of the nutrients in asparagus increase vitality and work to energize the body by erradicating ammonia. Other foods rich in the sex vitamins are eggs and sunflower seeds. I don't think we can work in the eggs for a romantic dinner, but try sprinkling your salad with some delicious sunflower seeds.


Another aphrodisiac at the top of the list are chiles. Not only do chiles increase the heart rate, they also release endorphins into the body. Spicy foods in general help the body to increase its production of these so called “happy hormones” which are utilized by the body to cope with the burn. But the hormones have another effect, they give us a natural high. Chocolate, a popular aphrodisiac, also helps increase the endorphin rush. Oysters on the half shell are not as potent as you might think. They contain very little nutritional value and the effect they have are on men, not women. First, the sweet and salty smell is very similar to the female pheromone and second, they contain a high amount of the zinc mineral which is a key ingredient for testosterone production.


Aphrodisiacs do not have to have an effect on the body as described above. Delicious and fragrant smells can put people in the right mood and even make people feel more comfortable. For example, men are insatiably attracted to the smell of apple-cinnamon candles while women are pleased with smell of lavender and rosemary spices. Use your imagination with the food selection as well. Some foods are just sexy. Grapes and champagne, chocolate covered strawberries, artichokes with hollandaise sauce and lamb chops are just a few of my favorites.

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Jul. 1st, 2005 08:48 pm Beauty Divine

The quest for beauty, age defiance and physical enhancement are at an all time high. The beauty industry, comprised of simple salons to mega-corporate giants, pulls in billions of dollars annually. People are obsessed with making themselves beautiful and more attractive for their own personal satisfaction and so others can see them they want to be seen. Not only do people search for ways to enhance themselves, but they also seek beauty and attraction in other things, most notably a dating partner.


Some people might conclude that canvassing the importance of beauty in the dating world is a bit gratuitous. We all know its out there and it can even be considered nature's cruelest form of sexual selection. You either have it or you don't. However, I think it is a poignant topic of consideration whether you are just now entering the dating realm or you have been in it for years and whether you are male or female. Today's society places heavy weight on good looks in the work place and in social scenes. You can't escape it and you can not deny it. Amidst growing liberties, democracy, the abolition of racial and religious oppression and the rising demand for an open mind one would naturally assume that our advanced culture would not treat certain individuals better simply because of advantageous genetic facial features. But we all know that this is the furthest from the truth. We see it every day.




Doctor Nancy Etcoff, a faculty member of Harvard University and a psychologist at Massachusetts General Hospital, has beautifully illustrated the ageless hunt for beauty in her book Survival of the Prettiest. I was enthralled with the hundreds of references throughout history Dr. Etcoff found and adapted to the importance of beauty. One of the most interesting ones involved Eleanor Roosevelt. When asked if she had any regrets she remarked that she only wished she had been prettier. To hear a statement such as this coming from a heroine to women everywhere, it makes one want to examine why and how being beautiful or handsome plays such a dubious role in our every day lives. As Dr. Etcoff examines this very thought further in her book, I think it would be best if we just accept our idealistic qualities and move on to facing them.


When it comes down to selecting new single men and women we choose to date, our very first assessment of the potential mate is based on looks. Most people will say that they are looking for more profound qualities such as character, motivation, sensitivity, a commonality in activities, beliefs and a sense of humor and that looks, although important, are not at the top of the list. Of course everyone wants to feel as if he or she had more noble intents in mind. And although this may be true, nature tends to sway our first choice. Psychological tests upon tests show that we all gravitate towards the more attractive person at first. This is not something that we can readily help, nor can we consider it malevolent behavior. It is simply programmed into us from commercials, magazine ads, celebrities and more. It is a learned responsive behavior. While not everyone looks like Naomi Campbell or Brad Pitt and there are only a few genetic anomalies in this world who apparently represent what we all should look like, we can all take steps and measures to improve the way we look and how we appear to others. It is the very first rule in dating!


The first person you need to impress is yourself. When you look good you feel good. Take advantage of what modern science has created in the field of beauty. From getting the basic proper shampoo and conditioner for you hair to hair regrowth products and surgery, from makeup to enhance your features to elective surgery for more dramatic effects. Your wardrobe should be a priority issue as well. If you are still showing up at the door to pick up your date in those same ripped jeans you have had since the 1980's, think about a complete wardrobe overhaul. Getting in shape is an absolute must. Not only does it show that you care about your body, it is essential for your health and it will help you to feel great physically and emotionally. The better you feel about yourself, the more confident you will appear. And confidence is a very sexy and appealing part of your overall appearance.


In her book Dr. Etcoff assumes that people, mostly men, are more attracted to beautiful people for short term relationships while beauty is less important when seeking a committed relationship. However, it is that attractive quality of sex appeal which will get you in the door. When you are just getting to know people for dating purposes such as with the use of online dating resources, your appearance is going to be one of the most compelling forces in attracting dates. Everyone wants someone to fall in love with them for the right reasons, but you can't change basic human instinct and the natural affinity for beauty. You don't have to be the most beautiful or most handsome person in the room, but you can take the time and effort to look the best you possibly can.

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May. 1st, 2005 03:45 pm Tick Tock Goes the Love Clock

You wake up in the morning, still tired from staying up too late the night before, and hit snooze about seventeen times before stumbling into the shower. By the time you start rinsing the shampoo out of your stinging eyes you are already thinking about everything you have to do today. You put your makeup on in the car and get to work late as usual in desperate need of a caffeine fix, do errands at lunch, pick up your dry cleaning before the store closes after what is most likely another late day in the office, make time for tanning and an hour at the gym, and get home to a house you have to clean. Every day is almost the same, you are busting your hump trying to get this and that done while your list of errands keeps growing. And thanks to living in an exponentially growing population in an overpopulated city you spend an obnoxious amount of time in the car giving you more time to think about everything you still need to do. By the time you get home each day, you clean a little, shovel your special diet food that you ordered online (who has time to actually shop in a store and leisurely browse anymore?) which costs a small fortune and tastes like chicken feed and crawl into bed. Then you stay up late with your mind like a maelstrom worrying about everything you did not get accomplished. When does anyone have time for a relationship?


People who live and work in the city without a significant other or children are always on the go. You might think that a single man or woman lives the life of leisure: no obligations, no pressure, just complete freedom. And I suppose that there are plenty of single men and women who just stroll home after work, order pizza and plant their tushes on the couch to watch their usual prime time television line up. But these are the people whose tushes are the same size as the couch. Hey, no ambition, no life. However, these days our lives are getting busier and busier for most people. There is so much for us to do every day. Even the singlets of this world are screaming for more time. I seriously wonder how people are able to raise children today. I know I barely have time for nookie at the end of the day.




Perhaps it is because many people living in the city go through several stages of social behaviors and desires in their lives. At first we are the struggling young professionals straight out of college, accepting a bottom of the food chain job and struggling on a $20K salary. These were the days of buying raman noodles in bulk and picking up a bartending job in the evenings. You can't even afford to date at this age. And if you could, when would you have time? Finally you get a better paying job and you move up in the business world. But now you have entered a whole new social world. You are financially able to drop the second job, get some new digs without holes in the seams and start enjoying the night scene with everyone else. Swiftly you discover the beau monde and your life is consumed with keeping up to date with all of the latest trends, making sure you look perfect in every way and of course making sure everyone thinks you are the “it” guy or girl. How can you possibly start a relationship now? He or she might actually find out that your not fabulous. Besides, it is much more hip to have a new fling every week. This is the period of our lives where we are all poseurs. After a few years of fun and reckless behavior, you get promoted to a more prominent position in the business world. Now you realize your responsibility and you may even take it seriously. Your life might change, but your busy schedule does not. It just gets worse.


When you actually get involved in that serious relationship, you must devote time to it. To do so, you have to give up things that you don't necessarily want to give up. I always believed that we work so that we can have time. We buy time. We work so that we are able to luxuriate in vacations with our loved ones and so we can buy expensive lingerie to keep the spark alive. But instead of spending as much time as we can with our sweethearts, we end up spending our time washing the car, burning the flab in pilates class, picking up the cat food and cursing the poor slob who broke down in the middle of a one lane road during rush hour. We are so greedy and obsessed with our appearance and materialistic needs that we find it difficult to give our own time, our most precious commodity, to someone else. Then again, when we daydream about the kind of future life we want, we envision a life surrounded by family and friends, a house in the burbs, a loving spouse and children and spending the days at home being independantly wealthy. We see ourselves doing what we really want and need: spending time in the arms of our darlings.

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Apr. 1st, 2005 11:35 pm Ready For the “R” Word?

Spring is in the air. The whole world comes alive with flowers, new life, new smells, warm weather and the discernible increase in libido of the singles crowd. Whether or not there is a direct genetic urge to mate during a specific season, everyone wants to date more in the spring. More often than not, this is the time when new love can take a hold of you and before you know it you are dancing like a cliché through puddles and singing in the rain better than Gene Kelly. This feeling of utter bliss may cause some of you to even contemplate the “R” word – a Relationship.


There are so many different levels that the single person may be on in their life regarding dating and relationships. The level you are on can affect your level of readiness for a relationship. For example, some singles have been serial daters for years refusing to enter a real relationship out of fear of rejection or simply because they love to be single and free of the drama and anguish which relationships may cause. Some singles have been searching for a relationship too hard and end up scaring any potential mates away with that instant cling action. Other single men and women have recently been removed from a relationship and they are on the rebound. Others still are happy being single but will gladly enter a relationship if only the perfect specimen would cross their path. And then of course some of you are thinking, “Well, I've had my fill of parties, clubbing and one night stands for the past ten years, my looks are fading, I might as well start the next part of my life, get married and have kids pretty quick”.



Obviously a person needs to be in the right frame of mind and the right part of life to try and enter a relationship. You should be mature enough and old enough for a relationship. Your self esteem should be high and you should not feel as if you need a relationship to make you feel better about yourself. You should be able to take care of yourself emotionally and financially and not need to depend on your significant other to take care of you completely. You should be free from past trauma and hurt. And you should be ready to enter a relationship only when you feel you have met the right person. Finally, you should only enter a relationship if you are truly in love. If you do not fill all of the requirements above, you might want to do a little work on yourself before focusing on someone else and a relationship. And if you feel that you do embody the right stuff for a committed relationship, there are even more factors that you will want to think about.


First of all, you may be ready for a relationship, but is it even worth entering one at this point? Too many people jump straight into a relationship just because the other person is attractive and available. After only a week of dating, you both decide that you are exclusive and in a relationship. Well that is just plain silly. You are only entering this relationship because you desire that grounded sense of stability (a noble desire), but you have no idea if you are even compatible on the most basic level. Later on you break up, just one of your many relationship upsets, and your self esteem decreases just a tad as you look back on your history of repeated relationship failures. Obviously, this is not the way to go. Another issue to consider is if this person feels the same way about you as you do about him or her. You may desire to enter a relationship with this person, even though he or she is giving you those wishy washy mixed signals. Ostensibly you might believe he or she is in love with you, but your heart tells you different. If you want a successful loving relationship, you must be absolutely, positively one hundred percent sure that this person feels the same exact way about you. The relationship must be a mutual arrangement. It can not be forced or coerced in any way. Forcing a relationship will usually lead to bitter resentment later on down the road.


As a final note, some relationships do not work even when both partners are ready and the perfect conditions have been set only because one or both lovers did not realize that a real relationship needs work and compromise. This especially relates to the person who has been happily single and dating for many years. Suddenly, you have rules. You must call and check in every once in a while, make plans together, watch out not to offend the other and get over going out with the friends for every weekend, crazy party and holiday like you used to. This takes a while to get used to and if you are not prepared to make these sacrifices and compromises, you may just lose one of the best gifts you can ever receive – life long companionship.

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Mar. 1st, 2005 01:32 am Psycho or Jealous?

There are very few articles and resources addressing the topic of jealousy. I have come to the conclusion that this is merely because people don't know what stance to take on the situation. Everyone has been on both sides of the fence. Most of us have experienced a jealous lover and many of us have been in a relationship where we curiously find ourselves being insecure and jealous by nature. On one hand you want to condemn the abhorrent behavior exhibited by jealous partners while on the other hand you might be able to sympathize. I have decided to courageously announce my decided opinion. Jealousy is just another euphemism for psychotic behavior.


Without going too far into the psychology of jealousy, you should understand that jealousy is not an innate feeling that we are all born with; rather it is a learned response that people have developed over time to deal with certain situations. We all have the ability to feel anguish and emotional sorrow, and jealousy is one way we cope with these feelings. Jealousy can rear its ugly green head at any time. You never know what will set it off. Some people can be completely at ease with one lover and insanely jealous with another lover. People have the potential to get jealous for a multitude of reasons. They might have low self esteem, have been rejected or betrayed in the past or feel insecure about their body or looks to name a few.



I would venture to say that a small amount of jealousy in any relationship is normal. It might even be considered a good thing because it shows that deep emotions are tied to this relationship. But jealousy should not be confused as a sign of love. Severe jealousy is the exact opposite of love. Emma Goldman, an early 20th century writer, claimed that “Its (jealousy) one desire is to punish, and to punish as severely as possible”. She was very right. There are obvious big, bright and bold lines that are crossed all too often. You have probably dated one of these line crossers; I have dated more than enough. This is when jealousy becomes apparent psychotic behavior. Your lover begins to assume that you are cheating on some level or another and you are being dishonest almost every day. Soon you get to the point where that person is doing a stake out of your home, following you around like a private eye, breaking into your email accounts, slashing your tires and smearing chocolate cake on your door (Yes, someone actually smeared cake on my door in a jealous rage). When you get to the point where you can not even say one word to a member of the opposite sex at a party because you fear the inevitable wrath which will follow from your lover when you get home, your relationship is in jeopardy.


When people exhibit these jealous rages, they are only destroying the relationship they are trying to save. People use jealousy as a legitimate weapon of defense to protect what is rightfully theirs. Jealousy attempts to prevent the annihilation of love, but it only helps it along. Experiencing these jealous rages will also further lower your self respect because it causes you to stoop to the lowest of acts. It destroys more than just the relationship. “Jealousy is invariably a one-sided, bigoted accuser, convinced of his own righteousness and the meanness, cruelty and guilt of his victim”. Although the jealous person wants to keep the relationship intact, the intentions of showing these acts of jealousy are to maliciously hurt the other person. Obviously, these uncontrollable acts used to salvage the relationship do not work. They only cause the other person to retaliate in disgust making the situation even worse.


So how do you deal with jealousy? That is the big question. For the insanely jealous person, the best thing you can do is recognize that your jealousy may be unfounded and then open the lines of communication. Instead of brooding on thoughts of infidelity, simply tell your lover how you are feeling as soon as you start feeling that way. You should have these feelings immediately put to ease when he or she calms your heart. You also need to stop trying to forcibly fuse your relationship into one being. The best relationships are created through the bonding of two separate individuals. If you are dealing with a jealous person whom you want to stay with and love, then you are going to have to learn not to get drawn in to these petty jealousy arguments, do not retaliate, do not take any blame, do not let the freak outs get to you when they occur and do not assume that he or she will change any time soon. To help get rid of jealous behavior you must leave all of your doors open. Meaning, you must not keep anything hidden or locked away for your love to get suspicious or distrusting over. Couples therapy, although expensive, is a viable option.

Current Mood: annoyedannoyed

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Feb. 1st, 2005 12:08 pm The Thirty Year Old Sexual Peak

I recently had the unpleasant experience of turning thirty much to my chagrin. However, I will forever allege that this was not my fault. Time was moving much too swiftly and although I tried my best to stay in the sexy and swinging twenties, I lost my grip and fell flat on my face in my thirties. I am led to believe that I will not be allowed to return. The horror. The horror.


Aside from my momentary lapses of self pity, there are some great benefits to being a woman in her thirties. As you probably guessed from the title of this article, I am now in my sexual prime. It seems like a cruel joke. Guys can't think about anything but the tent pole in their pants while in their teens and early twenties. But by the time women get to the same stage, the men are calling in reinforcements of Viagra. I am sure you have all heard about this before. Women hit their sexual prime at thirty......or do they? I almost half expected to become some raging ball of hormones as if I was pushed on by a button when I turned thirty. I was looking forward to it. To my dismay, no such transformation has occurred.



Shedding light on this curiosity of mine was Dr. Sandor Gardos, a doctor in sexual education. According to Dr. Gardos, the notion that women hit their sexual peak at 30 is very misleading. You will find many websites and articles on the very subject talking about how women get their groove on and peak at 30, or 35 while others say 40. But if you are talking about a hormone flux, this is simply not true. Men and women develop the same hormones at the same time: puberty. The only reason why women seem so much more interested at a later age is because we were taught NOT to be interested in sex when we were kids. If you experimented with sex like the boys did, you would be labeled the town Jezebel. Only when women mature are they able to feel more comfortable talking about and practicing sex. They finally open up and begin to feel normal about desiring sex.


Then it becomes a whole new world for women. The reason why people argue about the age of the sexual peak in women is because it varies for each women. It might take some women, for example, longer to learn how to orgasm. But when each woman finally feels comfortable with her body and the virtues of sex, it just might be like hitting puberty for her, especially if she had always lived a reserved or conservative life. This can be a great time in a woman's life; a true sexual awakening. And if you measure a sexual peak by interest level, then you can say that she has hit her prime. On the other hand, there are some women who go wild and crazy in their twenties and never give a thought to those societal messages, i.e. “Good Girls Don't”. All things considered, these girls may not experience this sudden surge of sexual prowess at the 35 year mark. They have already experienced it all. Ahem. But not me, of course. I am an angel.


If there are any young guys out there who are tempted to seduce an older woman just because she may be in her sexual prime and easily lured by an open invitation, you may want to think again. However, it may interest all men and women to know that according to a recent publication in the Oxford Journals, women do experience a subtle phase of heat on a monthly schedule. Mid-month on her cycle to be exact. During this time, women are shown to be more attracted to androstenone (a pheromone like sweat substance), are more attracted to symmetrical and masculine faces and more attracted to the subject of sex. Even as basic as this is, its still fun to talk about. In the same journal, I also uncovered a freaky fun fact. The word for heat, Estrus, comes from a Greek word 'oistrus' which means Gadfly. Literally, it means 'in a frenzied state' because when the gadflies would buzz around cattle, they would drive the cattle into a frenzied state which resembled the same state they go into when they wanted to mate. So when scientists refer to estrus in a female, remember that this concept originated from cows.

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Jan. 1st, 2005 02:52 pm Blogging: The New Exhibitionism

This article is for the magazines but of course to the people here this article is a little "behind the times".


By now most of you have heard of the new internet superhighway craze called blogging. If you are not the most computer savvy person in the world, don’t worry, you don’t have to be. Everyone is blogging these days from the techno-chic to the cyber-geek, from the carpooling soccer mom to your own children in grade school. For you first timers out there, a blog is a weblog. A weblog is an online diary or journal in which you may write your daily thoughts and ideas in. You can decide to keep a blog private, announce your name, let whoever you want read it or allow only particular people to view it. There are oodles of websites out there dedicated to servicing blogs and the majority of them are free. You just sign up and voila: you have your very own blog with your own web address where you can feel free to write whenever you want and as much as you want.


Blogs are used for a variety of reasons. Scores of small businesses are now finding blogging to be very useful as a free form of advertising for their own company. Many people use blogging as a convenient way of keeping a diary since they spend so much time on the computer at work. I have bumped into countless cubicle moaning blogs online. Aspiring writers are utilizing weblogs as a way to show off their work and gain free critiques. Perhaps the most interesting use of blogs, and which is by far the most popular, would be the personal blogs of sexual orientation and desire.



Since blogs are normally private in nature, people are rapidly finding out that blogging is a great way to share your dirtiest thoughts and secret fantasies with the rest of the world. This way, people are finding it much easier to find other like minded individuals in a very upfront way. Most importantly, they have a new venue to express sexual thoughts openly, without being censured and without feeling vulnerable. These weblogs are usually very private with only an email address so that interested viewers can contact them. Some do not even include an email address but have an online chat box installed instead for even more privacy. Most all weblogs have the ability for any reader to post a response to a particular blog entry online. With all of this confidentiality, the once shy and lonely individual feels more willing to come out of the closet and be a shameless exhibitionist of sex and promiscuity. People now have a way to articulate themselves sexually even if they are the sheltered type.


Some webloggers create sites to explain their sexual curiosities. Some dictate their favorite wild and crazy fantasies. Others even go so far as to post nude and erotic pictures of themselves alone or with partners. Much of the time, you come across the usual gratuitous pornography. Absolutely anything goes on your own online blog. There is no censorship and no mediator telling you what you can and cannot write. I came across a fabulous personal blog recently written by a very young and very beautiful woman. Her blog became a source of power for her. She is a dominating sort of woman who enjoys being a master to her male slaves. In her blog, she assumes the role of a Goddess and encourages very submissive males to beg for her affections and even send her gifts. And with the sexy revealing pictures she likes to post, her response is phenomenal. She might not have been able to express this sexual nature so powerfully without the help of the blog, especially at such a young age.


I can feel you asking now, “Is this a good thing”? The answer is: Absolutely! The more you are able to express yourself (in any sphere of interest), the better you can express yourself to others. Many people fear expressing their sexual thoughts and ideas to others thereby preventing their own true happiness. The desires stay bottled up with nowhere to go. These blogs provide a way for the inhibited person to say what they really want to say. Once they can get it out somewhere, even if it is written online, they stand a better chance of relating these ideas to other people.


For questions and comments contact The Advice Diva at: thediva@advicediva.com
Please visit http://www.advicediva.com for more articles by the Diva

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Dec. 1st, 2004 03:13 am The Victims of Fame

We all have the capacity to fall for the allures of fame and fortune. Elevated from the innocent hopes of the “American Dream” stands the illusion of immortality which accompanies the lofty aspirations for money, power and fame. Unfortunately, fame can play a devastating role in relationships. At first, the American sucker feels the beginning euphoric effects stemming from a little bit of notoriety or large cash profits. It acts like a drug seeping deep into the veins and covering the heart and brain. After that, he only wants more. Once he, or she for that matter, has tasted the splendors of fame, he will stop at nothing to get more and to be on top. Nothing will get in his way and he is willing to sacrifice anything or anyone. The desire for recognition is so powerful that it can drive some people into depression, drugs and even insane asylums. This kind of behavior is perfectly exhibited in Hollywood as well as in mainstream corporate America and the political forum.

There are always numerous victims on any one person’s jaunt to fame. The two most important are the ones they love and themselves. They, themselves, become victim to their own lust because they happen to forget who they really are and what they really want in life. They are blinded by the riches they can have immediately and their priorities change. Infamy has shown its toll on many superstars such as Madonna. Years after she published the dirtiest coffee table book in America she was found distancing herself from the book and desiring children. So fervent was her desire to have children and a normal relationship, values which have escaped her in the past, that she actually did end up with children and managed to write a children’s book. Even with her passion for infamy there was still a side of her that sought after that conventional life with good old-fashioned values. Her return to normalcy was short-lived after her romantic kiss with Britney Spears shocked the world. Again, Madonna was clamoring for the attention from the spotlight.



The people they love are the next victims on the list. When people have money, power and fame they can buy just about anything. They can buy people, women and sex. We have seen many instances when the suddenly famous man leaves his wife of twenty years to have an elite affair with a six foot tall blond from Sweden. That story has been told since the birth of Hollywood. The fact that the powerful always seem to fall into the arms of steamy extramarital affairs is because power makes the impressionable person feel as if he can do whatever he wants. Moreover, his old values of family and home have become superceded by the overwhelming desire to achieve. Because power and success is always measured by comparison to another, it is never fully achieved and therefore a vicious cycle is created.

The sequence begins with the rich and powerful frequenting a few gentlemen’s clubs, unbeknownst to the spouse at home. It seems innocent enough. But soon, the excitement of the clubs is not enough and perhaps more money is exchanged for some sensual play. Eventually, that becomes not enough as well. From there we move on to affairs and divorces. The increasing strength and aspirations of the powerful cause him to keep searching for the BBD (bigger better deal). However, because there will always be a BBD somewhere, that person will never really be satisfied. This is why it becomes important to understand how fame and fortune affects relationships.

The problem lies with losing sight of who you really are and your values, especially concerning the relationships you have with loved ones, because you may have become obsessed with having more and more. It is honorable for people to want to achieve and have high standards. Those high standards are what make this country so fabulous. But come on back down to earth. There is no need to stomp on the little people, and a bleach blonde model thirty years younger can only look so good for so long. The relationships you are in now with loved ones are the ones that have helped you on your way to great success. In the end, they will be all you will ever need to maintain lifelong happiness.

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Nov. 1st, 2004 02:04 am Dominant by Day, Submissive by Night

If you are like most men out there, you probably have no idea what makes those head-strong, powerful and intelligent career women “tick”. I am referring to those women you see in power suits, managing a company or running her own, who seem completely invincible and on top of the world. These women know what they want in life and they do not stop until they get it. They are fast talkers, they can close a deal with a simple wink of the eye, they can make a male subordinate cry with the slightest of disappointed looks and they will never settle for anything less than perfect sexual equality. Furthermore, I think we can all agree that these are the sexiest women out there. Men just love to imagine what they have on underneath those designer suits.

The common train of thought and logic would lead you to assume that these women are just as domineering in the bedroom behind closed doors. Generally speaking, this is actually the furthest thing from the truth. Every person out there is different with regards to their personality in life and what turns them on after hours, and there will be many variations and deviances from the norm. However, most of the fierce and passionate women in the workforce love nothing more than to come home and be completely subjugated and ravaged by a very strong and masculine man.



In all sexual relationships there must be a dominant and a submissive. Two dominants or two submissives can get together and have magnificent sexual experiences, but there will be a certain something lacking emotionally. Each one will feel less psychologically satisfied because they will not be able to express their dominant or submissive traits quite a comfortably as they should. Pop culture tends to assume that people who are submissive during sex are doing so because this is how they want to be perceived in life, they want to be dominated. Even old psychology books will back up this old principle. Fortunately, the psychology of arousal and the logic that lies behind fantasies and the roles we play during lovemaking has been virtually re-written by Dr. Michael J. Bader, the leading psychoanalyst in this delicious area of expertise. To really sum up his new theories in a very rough manner, our sexual desires are almost the opposite of who we are in normal everyday life scenarios. His theories are applied to every sexual thought, idea and fantasy and not just dominant and subordinate behaviors. His new book made me quite hungry with dirty little thoughts.

A dominant women enjoys being submissive in bed because she is able to achieve stimulation. It is impossible to feel any kind of guilt, worry, or anxiety and become sexually aroused at the same time. Professional career women very often feel like they are too overbearing towards men, too controlling and too dominant. That causes a certain level of stress. This stress is completely alleviated by becoming the submissive during intercourse thereby allowing her to achieve stimulation. These and other new brilliant revelations have created a paradigm shift in the psychology of sex. And I think it is divine to have an in depth understanding of what makes the other person scream with hot blooded delight.

Of course, every individual will have a specific dirty little secret which turns them on and no two women are the same. This article applies to many strong business women, but not all. It becomes important to discuss what makes you turned on with your lover or find a reciprocal partner. But now many of you men know our dirty little secret. If you are the type of man who enjoys a dominant woman, the same logic applies to the quiet little librarian with the cat eyeglasses on. She just might be a dom-femme complete with a torture chamber in her home where she can break her male slaves. And don’t forget ladies …… this same idea applies to men!

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Oct. 1st, 2004 02:01 am Feng Shui Your Love Pad

What began centuries ago in China as a way of interpreting the natural world to create more efficient agricultural systems and even study astronomy to understand the passage of time is an age old institution named Feng Shui. Through the ages feng shui (pronounced Fung Shway) has evolved due to superstition and folklore into a belief system with five distinct components: Wealth, Health, Fame, Career and Love. By understand the basics, we can control these areas of our lives by choosing meaningful symbols and images which are related to these areas and placing these objects in very specific areas of the house. The key principal here is that everything is connected energetically which means that your thoughts, feelings and behavior are influenced by your surroundings. Feng Shui masters have got this down to an art form. There are so many details and specifics of feng shui that I would highly recommend getting a book on it for your own knowledge and because it is so fascinating. What is interesting enough is that I found it to be very similar to the Wicca beliefs that are practiced in the west. There are many people who swear by the benefits of Feng Shui in the home.

Let’s get down to the fun part. You can Feng Shui your house for love. Turn that pad into the love shack to attract love, keep love going strong and keep the sex drive on high gear in the bedroom. What you want to do here is create good chi (good energy) and get rid of any sha chi (harmful energy).



The area of your house that represents your love life is the southwest corner of your home. According to the experts, if this corner has good chi, the marriage or love aspirations of the home dwellers will be positively energized but if it has bad chi, let’s just say that you won’t be getting any for a while; and that is putting it nicely according to these experts. The element that represents love is Earth and so putting a rock, crystal or boulder in the southwest corner of your home you will activate this good chi. Finally you need to energize this earth element with other objects in the love corner. These objects can be crystal (Rose Quartz is suggested), large and round decorative pots and jars, peacock feathers, silk or real flowers, a globe, a symbol of the sun, a Chinese love knot made of red rope which symbolizes undying love, love birds in a pair but never single or ducks in a pair but never single, rose oil and two pink or red candles burning which is known as the “tantric twins”. All of these objects have ties with the earth element but you do not have to use all of them. It is also said that wood is a harmful element to the earth element so no wood should be here. No dried flowers as well because it could signify the death of a romantic relationship. And just in case you are planning to buy a new house or rent a new apartment, there should be no kitchen or bathroom in the southwest corner of the house. If there is a bathroom, use plants to drown out the sha chi but a kitchen is a bigger problem since a kitchen in this area symbolizes infidelity on either side.

The bedroom can also be worked on. It should be well lit instead or dark and dreary. There should be no plants in the bedroom because plants will bring excess yang (male) energies to the bedroom which could increase his libido and cause a wandering and lustful eye towards younger women. There should be no TV’s and no mirror by the bed as they cause an intrusion within a relationship. Hang a rose quartz crystal over the southwest corner of your bed. When looking for love, feng shui-ists say a man should decorate with more yin (femininity) in mind while a female should decorate with more yang. This causes a healthy balance and will attract the opposite sex.

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